The Little Ass that Could

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is a man who is clearly preoccupied with his own ass. He spends inordinate amounts of time coming up with ways to save it, and if one were to speak figuratively, it would seem that as asses go, his should be rather large, given the sheer number of tricks and party favors lurking about inside, waiting to be pulled out as needed, to be dangled in front of the requisite factions and individuals on a moment’s notice and handed out with callous disregard for how his actions will be perceived by anyone else.

As Olmert’s position becomes increasingly shaky and his popularity continues to plummet, he has repeatedly shown that he’s prepared to do anything he deems necessary to retain his grip on the prime minister’s chair. The Shas party (the ethics of whose party members are ever so questionable of late) is a frequent recipient of the master’s “benevolence”, as Olmert plies them with all sorts of treats in order to ensure that they continue to play the part of the happy coalition campers. He even resurrected the Ministry of Religious Affairs, dismantled approximately four years ago, purportedly to save taxpayers’ money (and known to be rampant with corruption) and handed it them on a platter to keep them from bolting his fragile government majority. Pulling an entire ministry out of one’s ass is quite a feat, dontcha think?

This time, though, Olmert has surely topped himself. As suspicions about bribery and questions about envelopes full of money, trips abroad and curious connections with foreign supporters continue to swirl about, Ehud “I did not have financial relations with that man” Olmert seems to have reached a desperate breaking point of sorts. Yesterday, our prime minister pulled Syria out of his ass. Our increasingly unpopular prime minister, so deeply mired in extracurricular crises that it’s a wonder he actually has time to fulfill his ministerial tasks, announced yesterday that Israel is involved in negotiations with Syria, and has even allegedly shown readiness to give up the Golan Heights in return.

Under normal circumstances, I would probably be guardedly thrilled at such a prospect as peace with Syria. These days, however, the circumstances are anything but normal. It can hardly be coincidental that as more and more information regarding Olmert’s legal troubles are made public, we are suddenly presented with Olmert the “peace maker”. And I don’t buy it. Olmert is hardly in a position of having the mandate to negotiate such a monumental agreement, given his questionable future as prime minister, combined with his utter lack of public support and trust. As a nation, we have lost all faith in our leaders and in our system, and at a time when Olmert’s every move raises our suspicions, he would do well to take a few steps back and put his own affairs in order, instead of continuing to chase windmills at the nation’s expense.

Remember the film “Wag the Dog“, where the groundwork was laid for fictitious war with Albania in order to divert public attention from the US president’s sex scandal? I do believe that we are being wagged, my friends, wagged by the little ass that could (and did, at every opportunity). And, as is often the case when asses are involved, sooner or later, the shit will most certainly hit the fan.